By Ella Harel
We drive by another billboard ad and I am intrigued by what I see. I stare at this perfect girl smiling with her perfect teeth and her shining eyes, then I glance at myself in the rearview mirror. I know she is not real, she’s just a figment created by photoshop and plastic, but why do I wish I saw her as my reflection? I can’t count the times I wish I looked more like her, or at least the fake and altered version of her. Even though I know the images are fake, I still subconsciously compare myself to this impossible standard.
It’s a normal day for me, my fingers scrolling through pictures of people I have never even met. I can’t help but look at these girls in awe: everything about them seems so perfect. I begin questioning everything about myself--What can I do to be more like her? I work out and eat relatively healthy, but I can’t even compare to this person on my screen. I’ve read innumerable articles on before-and-after photo editing and photoshop fails that almost every social media star has had before, but I still want to be like them. I continue to click, scroll, and dig myself into a deeper hole of self-criticism, the way out getting farther away with every image. Eventually, I have to turn off my phone to save myself before the pit becomes too deep.
Usually, when I read about social media influencers or models, I see pictures of them at their best, attending parties or their latest gig. Consequently, I think nothing of another headline beginning with “Victoria’s Secret Model.” However, the front page looks wrong. I read and reread the title, surprised to see the words “shame” and “extreme measures” next to a brand well known for its perfect models. I quickly swipe up to continue reading and feel confused at what follows. Emily DiDonato, the model, reports feeling self-conscious throughout her career, despite working for a brand known for its gorgeous models. She reveals the extent of her undereating and overexercising to meet size standards. Drawn in by DiDonato’s confessions, I click onto the accompanying Youtube video. DiDonato further details how brands would photoshop her into someone she couldn’t even recognize when she didn’t fit their needs. I feel disgusted. At myself and at the industry. I knew that the models’ images weren’t real. Yet, I still find myself admiring models who work for the brands that exploited DiDonato. I now have evidence that these brands are tricking me into believing that if I keep a strict diet, exercise, and use a certain moisturizer, I will look just like the model on the front page of magazines. I know this is not true. I know it’s all a big scam. So, why do I still compare my natural self to a digitally altered person?
The average American mind is full of unreachable goals. I constantly hear that I can do anything, especially in America, and that I can accomplish any goal, but is that really true? It’s always been my dream, my illusion, that if I work out, eat healthy, and take care of myself, I will look like the models on billboards and in magazines. But isn’t that impossible? They set our expectations for what we should look like, not what we can actually achieve. The editors at magazines, the girls who edit their Instagram pictures, the photoshopped models--they all set a bar so high that not even they can reach it naturally. How am I supposed to compete? If I give in to society’s standards, I risk losing myself. American society and its ridiculous expectations constantly undermine my confidence, setting a standard with no hope for success. I have to remind myself that everything is manufactured in American society; it’s all fake. Regardless of the insane standards, I am trying to regain my self-confidence and become someone I am proud of. I am still in the process of stopping those self-deprecating thoughts, although they will never go away until society sets a new standard.
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